A Holiday Update

Resting along the Guadual Waterfall hike with visitors "Little" Dillon and Taylor

                                             

I have not written in several weeks for multiple reasons, and I am not sure the best direction to take this post, so I am just going to start writing and see where it takes me. . .

I'll start with mom.

For those of you who know my mother, Marilyn Jordan, she is a force. She is an unbelievably strong woman, fiercely independent, super bright, stubborn, and, without a doubt, the best lemonade maker I know. I mean this figuratively; mom is not one to juice lemons, but she sure has a way of making the most out of any situation, even terrible ones. One of her favorite refrains, even when lying on an Emergency Room gurney, oft repeated: "Oh, I really can't complain. It could be worse. I haven't missed a meal yet!"

The last few years have been challenging for mom; several falls and memory issues have chipped away at her independence. Just before the pandemic, after a fall and humerus fracture, we moved her into our first house in our Santa Rosa neighborhood, a few blocks from my sister as well as our "new" house of eight years. While she was initially resistant to the idea, it was great to have her in the neighborhood. Living close allowed her independence and personal space, but we could see her almost daily. Unfortunately, decreased social interactions due to COVID restrictions seemed to worsen her cognitive decline. Increasing left hip pain definitely did not help. She stopped driving (thanks, mom, for being so insightful!). She let Paul do her taxes. She became reliant on my sister for most errands and groceries.

Then last winter, mom had an acute physical decline that necessitated urgent hip replacement. Rehabilitation after surgery was challenging, and her mental status definitely took another hit. But we really wanted to keep her at home, where she also wanted to be, making her own coffee and ambling around the neighborhood, albeit slowly. We hired caregivers, most of whom she fired (I did mention above she is fiercely independent). I started therapy to sort out my own mixed feelings about our plan to leave the country for a year. The situation felt precarious, and I was worried.

Before we left, I specifically asked mom not to fall for the twelve months we would be in Ecuador; I knew that another fall could very much upend her tenuous stability. She promised she wouldn't, but alas, not all promises are possible. My sister has been working overtime to keep her safe, and the best neighbors ever were helping as well (shout out to Pat, & Stacia Jacquie, Gwen, Connie, Nicole, Jessica & Scott, Bob and Becky, Maggie, and so many more). Unfortunately, however, another fall is exactly what happened. Mom fell mid-December, broke her pelvis (again) and wound up in the hospital. And, as is not uncommon, things have been spiraling since. Pain and immobility worsened her cognitive status, she was diagnosed with a urinary tract infection, she became agitated at the rehab facility, and it became crystal clear to my sister that returning home was not a safe plan.

And so, I flew back from Ecuador to help support the transition.

With help from a wonderful placement specialist, my sister found a nice assisted living in Rohnert Park, and we moved mom's important items there just before she moved in -- these included her favorite recliner and coffee pot, but also paintings done fifty years ago by her California "mom", Cliff, a quilt for her bed made by her best friend Norma, a big teddy bear made by lifelong buddy, Mary, and some of her own Christmas decorations. Mom was desperate to get out of the nursing home, and the first few days at assisted living went surprisingly smoothly. But something happened last Monday -- I don't think we will ever know exactly what -- and by Wednesday before Christmas, mom was readmitted to the hospital with new tailbone fractures and total inability to get out of bed. She was miserable, in a way my sister and I have never seen, and, perhaps worst of all, she was both despondent and anxious. These are two adjectives I would NEVER use to describe my mom.

The story is not over -- after another week in the hospital, mom was discharged to another skilled-nursing facility, and it is unclear what her next living situation will be. It is terrible to watch my strong, independent mother have two major engines fail at once-- her mind and her body -- and while I know the situation is not unique to our family, this new reality feels sad and overwhelming. I find myself contemplating so many aspects of aging and also ruminating on how to best to support my mom, especially from afar, while also tending my own little family on our journey.

Being back in Santa Rosa was a total trip. It was freezing, literally. Christmas lights were ubiquitous, Christmas music was playing on the radio, Target was insane (yes, I went more than once). I felt both the season's magic and the materialism, deeply.

It felt strange to be "home" without my family, but I got lots of amazing love and support from many dear friends.

Special thanks to:

Gwen for putting me up for a whole week in her beautiful home with a comfy bed, hot tea, an amazing shower, and a seemingly endless supply of ice cream,

Pat for picking me up at midnight at the airport, helping me move mom's big items to assisted living, and for lending me his car for the week,

Dr. Deb for her truck (and for rescuing me when I got a flat tire in said truck),

Brooke, Amy, Gwen, Nicole, and Jacquie for help clearing out parts of mom's house with me and for Goodwill runs,

Cherie for getting me back to the airport. . .

I felt the love. Big time. I even got to go to our church families' annual Christmas party. That was definitely a treat!

And yet, It was not an easy visit -- mom didn't remember I hadn't seen her in six months, or that I flew in from Ecuador, she was hypo-manic at times; what we saw as the right choices didn't feel right to her, and my own leaving was particularly hard because she started a downward trend the day I left. But I left because. . well. . .what do you do? My kids were in South America, friends were coming to Ecuador for Christmas, and this is my life. I also know that if mom were well enough to say so, she would support this adventure with her whole heart.

And so, I flew back to Ecuador to be with my kids, to meet our friends, and to take them over the Andes from Quito down to La Josefina, where life for the Jordan Poling family was marching on. I was surprised how gracefully my kids handled my time away; they were all just fine. No one begged to come home with me or fussed about the plan; Brynna did ask me to bring her teddy bear, Ted, back to Ecuador (I found him, he's here now) and Jonah asked for a box of Cheerios (which have since been consumed).

A pause here to express deep gratitude to Paul, who took the entire situation in stride, helped me sift through plane tickets when I was feeling overwhelmed, and held down the Ecua-fort with three kids for nine days, continuing homeschooling and even learning to make blackberry muffins and pesto pasta while I was away. He's been my rock.

Luckily, I made it home to La Josefina just in time for Christmas.

Several iterations later, this banana tree wins the prize for our most resilient Christmas tree

                                              

Our Christmas in Ecuador

The celebration of Christmas in rural Ecuador is surprisingly understated. Despite being a mostly Catholic country, which honors the birth of the baby Jesus on December 25, the traditions here are simple: some (but not all) families have Christmas trees, they are universally plastic and are set up outside the house, usually in the front patio area. Others just put up some garlands or lights. Some have simple Nativity scenes. Some participate in a ritual called La Novena, a celebration over nine evenings of the journey Mary and Joseph made on the donkey to Bethlehem. There is not a tradition of gift giving or Santa Claus visiting. And, while, most families gather to have a meal together, there are not a lot of other Christmas expectations. So refreshing! That being said, there were countless Christmas school performances (recitations and plays and dancing), too many bags of candy to count (omg the bags of candy), and lots of excuses for amplified sound, dancing, and parties the entire month of December. I am kind of glad that part is over.

We tried to preserve some of our family's Christmas rituals -- namely listening to lots of Christmas music, reading Christmas stories, putting up stockings and a Christmas tree (a banana tree, in the end, was the most resilient), making Christmas art, and eventually Christmas cutout cookies. Santa did come on Christmas Eve and brought each kid a stocking of stuff and a few gifts. Even though it didn't feel like a "usual" Christmas, it felt sweet and special, and we thankfully did not hear a lot of complaints about the parts that were missing. Perhaps this is the best sign of all that the experience of being in this magical place is itself a gift, or perhaps it is just that all three of my children inherited Paul's amazing go-with-the-flow temperament.

Our best Christmas gift, by far, was a two-week long visit from our dear friends Melissa and Erica and their kids, Little Dillon (who turned 10 in Ecuador) and Taylor (just 5). We took them to some of our favorite places in La Josefina -- swimming in the river, bird watching along the road, eating cacao and mandarina in the finca, to our newly-discovered local chocolate factory down the road, and on our favorite waterfall hike in the mountains. It is really nice to have folks from home get a snapshot of our lives here, sit at our kitchen table, drink juice with us, and meet some of the people we love.

Then we head to the beach. It's a solid day's travel to the coast from here: a truck to a bus (3 hours) to a bus (3 hours) to taxi. Luckily, they were troopers.

In the sleepy beach town of Olón, just north of a famous surfing mecca, Montañita, we found plenty to be thankful for: perfect-beach weather (while much of the US was cloaked in freezing temperatures), a warm and gentle Pacific Ocean (not your typical NorCal beach), successful surfing lessons for several group members, delicious cherries, watermelons and pineapples, lots of Foosball and board games and playing pretend, a couple of Christmas movies, family dinners, a nice swimming pool, cheap taxi rides, Erica's Christmas morning cinnamon rolls, yummy fish soups, beachy almuerzos, emborajados (deep fried plantains) and bolón con queso (mashed plantain served in a big ball with cheese). Dillon's 10th b-day celebration. And, most special of all, uninterrupted time with dear friends. Hopefully they still love us. :)

Some of our lower moments involved traveler's diarrhea (for some), a jellyfish sting for poor Brynna (turns out hot sand works wonders -- thanks locals!), some minor sunburns, and ongoing medical issues for my mom back in Santa Rosa.

But really, as my mom would definitely say, we had little to complain about with plenty to rave about. Gratitude is the attitude. Merry Christmas to all!